Today he told me he had a dream where his Grandpa (whom passed away about a year ago) came back and told him to look after me, and to protect me….  

D:

Well first off I’m going into depression again thinking about cutting and such and I finally thought I was over and done with that shit and maybe for once I could just be happy. Guess not. Then there’s the fact that I’m pretty sure the relationship I’m in is over. You know that feeling you get get and it’s just I don’t know you can feel that things are ending? I have it. I want it to go away but it just won’t I really like him… I possibly love him. I just don’t want it to end he’s like everything I want in a guy. And to top it all of my parents are fighting and when that happens the tend to take their extra anger out on me. So my parents are mad at me for just about everything I do. Like yesterday I came home and said “I got an 81 on my math test!” my dad glared at me and said “Why didn’t you get better” I’m in advanced math I thought I was going to fail it but I got an 81 I was so proud of myself until that…

So I pretty much found the guy if my dreams and for once something went my way he asked me out yeah it’s long distance but whatever. But I’m just a fucking faIl with relationships. Why just why I don’t want to fuck things up this time.

He’s not doing very well….. I feel so bad 

Well today I bombed my monologue it was my first performance in front of that teacher and I bombed it! Great first impression right? Then right after that I auditioned for the play….. ugh it was so…. Blah….. I really didn’t want to do anything after that performance, but I had to leave a good impression some how. I did not bad, but could have been better…. Ugh….  

I finally finished it! 100 items on it :D I can’t wait to do them all!

She’s my idol

(via ramonaz)